It’s been five million years since I posted something on this blog but I feel the need to express myself in written words about something in particular. Tonight I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and I came upon a link my friend had shared to a listicle called “Seven things women should never do in front of a man”. I knew right away this would probably not be something I enjoyed reading but my friend who shared it was stating how she was pleased that the author focused on more than superficial things and more on spiritual acts. So I clicked and as I thought, immediately was annoyed. This list included things like “losing your temper”, “doubting yourself” and “driving poorly”. Each had a description of why what that thing was was unattractive to men and then a very poorly used bible verse that kind of sort of could be seen as related. This kind of writing drives me insane for a couple of reasons.

First of all, this is the kind of “Christian” media that is really just people taking what already exists in “secular” culture and then adding bible verses and Christiany words to make it sound “spiritual”. I hate it when people do this because not only does it look dumb and make Christians look like niave puritanical weirdos to the non-Christian world but it also serves to further the divide between secular and sacred that shouldn’t even exist! The whole point of Christ coming was so people could be with God in all things in their lives! Not to form a weird secret club whose only purpose was to be self-perpetuating. Trying to make “Christian culture” by speaking Christianese and trying to fit bible verses into things that by nature cannot BE Christian (because they’re not human beings???) only serves to isolate the church from the rest of the world and strengthen the “Us versus them” mentality so prevalent in the American church.

Secondly, this kind of “self-help” media aimed at women drives me crazy because it’s really just serving to further the idea that the whole point of a Christian woman’s life should be to change herself into someone’s ideal man so that they will marry her. What a fun goal. Here’s the reality: if you want a healthy, functioning relationship the key is authenticity and communication, not stifling your feelings and hiding who you are. Being a “Godly” woman or a “Woman of God” is not a goal Christian women should be spending their lives striving for because once you become a Christian YOU ALREADY ARE A GODLY WOMAN. You’ve got God living inside and all around you, there’s not much more Godly you can get yo. And you are created for so much more than just to be somebody’s wife! Don’t get me wrong, marriage is amazing and created for a purpose but idolizing it as the point of your existence is going to make you miserable, no matter who you’re married to and you’ll just be setting yourself up for years of disappointment in your spouse and in yourself.

So often in the bible we see God talking about how he doesn’t care for the praises of people’s lips as much as for their hearts. Jesus came to free people from having to strive in religion to be perfect and to instead be perfect for them. So when I see “Christian” media that is telling anyone how they can change their behavior to become a “better” Christian I just want to be like “YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT HERE”. God doesn’t want you to be a better person. He just wants you. And the same should go for your spouse. You should be with someone who wants you, as you are, not some ideal version of you or you on your best days. Life is so much better when you let go of all the religious churchy checklists and goals and rituals and just live with God! It really is as simple as that. God doesn’t care if you eat while you’re driving.