I am so sick and tired of the attitude Christian girls have about their lives. I have seen so many girls in the church who don’t understand their calling. What I mean by that is that so many girls in the church spend all their time and effort thinking about marriage. While I truly believe in the amazing gift that marriage is and I hope to someday get married myself I want to say to all you girls out there, what if you never get married? I want you to honestly ask yourself, are you living a life dependent on marriage. So many of the christian girls I meet seem to have this assumption that they will get married in the future and until then they don’t really have much to do but prepare for their marriage. What if you lived YOUR life and what God called you to RIGHT NOW!? You are first and foremost (whether you’re a man or a woman) called to have a relationship with GOD. I think so few women really give themselves over to God completely. Its like they are holding out on God, saving a spot in their hearts and minds for their future husband. While I have so much more I could say on that for now I am going to stop there.

I’m frustrated with the idea that a Godly woman’s purpose is to get married, have babies, and be a servant to everyone. Let me be so bold as to ask, how is this much different from the chauvinism of the fifties? There are literally hundreds of women serving in church kitchens and nurseries but where are the christian women in the “real world”? Here I would like to let you read something I wrote this morning as I was journaling. If you don’t like it, tough cookies cause I don’t give a crap. This is my blog and I’ll say what I want. (With love of course, I love you all but I need to rant somewhere)

So here, a monologue by me:

I refuse to live with the so called “gentle-spirit” women are told is an ideal and Godly woman. I will love but I will love like Katniss Everdeen, kicking and screaming, running, shooting and scratching to protect that love. My life will never be about being a “kind” and “gentle” woman. I refuse to aim for being a “nice girl”. I want the best thing people say about me not to be “she was so nice to everyone” but “She lived with an amazing passion I wish I had”. I want to be known as the Girl on Fire.

Yes there is a part of me that longs for tenderness and deep relationships and my heart breaks for the pain and suffering I see but I will not let my service to the earth be serving coffee at church. My life’s calling is not attending pot lucks and I was not created to do dishes. My dreams are not changing diapers and I know God gave me power, strength and passion to change the world.

My role is not to make everyone happy and to always be smiling.

I will not aim for nice.

I will not settle for serving.

I will fight.

And I will change the way people think about a woman who is in a relationship with God.

I am not a godly woman. I am a woman who is blessed. I am not going to turn down my eyes and be known as someone’s wife or mother.

I will be known as a DAUGHTER of the PASSIONATE

FURIOUS

JEALOUS

AWESOME

INCOMPREHENSIBLE

ALL-POWERFUL

CREATIVE GENIUS OF LOVE

who is my God

My life is not about becoming a good wife or a good mother. My life is about falling in love with God. And that is an insane adventure that I am going on because I want GOD not because I want the imaginary happiness people seem to think comes with living the white-bread, picket-fence suburban christianity that tells women that their life is for marriage.

I don’t want a husband. I want GOD.