God’s love

As I was walking home from Safeway a few days ago I was struck with a very profound revelation to the identity and heart of our creator. I’ve heard over and over again the question that if God is a truly loving God, how can he let things like rape and murder happen to the children He supposedly loves? I’ve been blessed with an answer to this question which is that, as sad as it is, giving humans free will not only means we choose whether or not we want to follow God’s rules about respecting our parents or not committing adultery or lying but that we also have the option to hurt one another. As tragic as it is, some people choose to hurt others and having free will means they have that as a choice they can make.

To many people it just doesn’t make sense, how can God allow this pain to happen if He loves us so much? What I was struck with when I was thinking about this wasn’t an answer to this question as much as a revelation of God’s perspective. I suddenly realized my entire life I had an image of a God who said, “Well you want to hurt yourselves? Go ahead, I won’t stop you.” I without realizing it I had been living my life ignoring how God feels about my pain. I’ve always been so wrapped up in how my being hurt affects ME that I never stopped to think about how it hurts God. I’ve lashed out in my pain to God, calling out, “how could you let this happen to me!?” but I never thought about it until now, when people say our actions hurt God. That sounds so cliché, and maybe a bit like a guilt trip, that our sins hurt God but I was thinking about the love our creator has for us and I got to glimpse at what He really feels toward us and our sin.

Imagine the incredible heartbreak of seeing your greatest creation, your beloved children, turning against each other and literally killing each other. The incredible suffering God must feel at knowing that He has the power to keep us all from hurting each other but to exercise that power would mean taking away our freedom and our ability to choose good on our own. Have you ever been in a situation where someone you loved was in pain and there was nothing you could do to protect them? I think God’s broken heart for us is like that only much much bigger. I was amazed to realize the gravity and truth of the statement that our sin breaks God’s heart.  I can’t even begin to explain the insane love I realized at that moment, realizing God’s suffering and pain at seeing the crown jewel in His work not only reject Him but then turn and tear apart itself.  And the worst part is that He had to let us do that if we were to have true free will, if choosing a relationship with Him were to have any real significance, be any real choice. No wonder He was so willing to send Jesus as a sacrifice, to bring us back, to stop us in our destruction.

I’ve reached a point in my relationship with God where I know I will never be able to doubt His existence. I know for a fact that God is real. By His grace I have moved to a point where I am learning the depth of His love for me. I’m grateful for this chance to see and share the depth of His suffering because it only strengthens in me the amazing reality of His crazy intense and perfect love for me.

No matter what you believe I hope that you will know that you are loved, so much more than you can comprehend.